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I
was 19 years old when I left the Amish. Why? I got in trouble with the
church and so for that reason I was rebelling against my parents and
didn't have a desire to change. After
I had left home for a few months I though I'd go back home eventually, but
I had no reason to. So I set
out to live my life, and to experiment in the world, I guess I'd done
almost everything I wanted to do, and in the middle of it all, I met the
most wonderful women in the world, who is my wife to this day. After we
dated for a few years we moved in together for about 2 years. We talked
about marriage and everything, but I really didn't want to bring her in
this mess that I made for myself. So I told her we needed to wait, this
went on for a long time. Why?
Because, I really wasn't so sure that I wouldn't go back to
the Amish, and I knew that marriage could change everything. So we waited
and we got more miserable all the time, we were not happy at all.
We
went to a little Baptist church every now and then and we liked it pretty
good. The people at the church loved us and made us feel welcome (THANK
GOD FOR CHURCH PEOPLE THAT LOVE THE LOST) so we went more often, which led
us to more truth, I would ask people and preachers, what does God think
about me leaving the Amish, all they could tell me was, well it doesn't
really matter about that, you just have to follow the Lord. That
didn't help me any because I believed that I'd come from that place (that
is I believed that I was following the Lord being Amish). The Amish are
basically good people maybe even better than all these people that I had
meet since I left home, or so I thought. But one day I got so miserable
and did not know where to turn, I found myself sitting on a piece of drift
wood praying and crying out to the God of Heaven, saying I don't know what
to do, I was so miserable, but He showed me it was not about going back to
the Amish or staying where I was at, it was about following Him. He
also showed me what He thought about me and my girlfriend living together,
me feeling guilty and knowing it was the right thing to do. I surprised
her with an engagement ring; we got married in the little Baptist church,
which we joined not long after. I
thought everything was ok until the Spirit of God started dealing with me,
I did what people told me to do, that was, don't doubt your salvation,
that's the devil trying to make you doubt. Let me just remind you friend,
that is exactly what Jacob thought in the book of Genesis 32:33. Jacob
wrestled with a man, and he did not know whether or not it was his brother
Esau which was his (Jacobs) enemy never the less it was God. Conviction is
not an enjoyable state to be in, but it came to me. Something
that really bothered me was when a preacher would mention the verse in
Romans 8:16 {The Spirit itself bearth witness with our Spirit, that we are
the children of God:} in my mind I knew this was the truth, it is the word
of God. But my heart told me
what I didn't want to admit. The
Spirit bore witness to my Spirit that I wasn't a child of God.
When we sang songs like, it is well with my soul it sounded good
but, everything in my heart said, "It is not well with your
soul." Thanks
be unto God, who gives sight unto the blind. He opened my heart to His
Holy word. As I was reading through the book of Romans I got hooked on
chapter 2:17-18 {Behold, thou art called a Jew and restest in the law, and
makest thy boast of God, And knowest his will, and aprovest the things
that are more excellent, being instructed out of the law; also verses
19-20. This
is what the Lord showed me, every Sabbath the Jews would gather to hear
the law read. The Jews agreed
to the truth and they believed it was right to obey the law, they believed
it was Gods Holy word, in there mind only, which is where I was, I was in
church every Sunday to hear the word of GOD preached, but Paul said in
Romans 2:28 he is not a Jew, which is one outwardly; verse 29 But he is a
Jew, which is one inwardly; Paul said it is in the heart and I knew that
it was impossible for me to change my heart. Oh but I wanted a new heart
after He showed me what a dirty filthy through and through heart I had. I
knew it wasn't works that saved a person, I knew it was faith that pleases
God, but I could not make it happen.
I
thank God that He didn't just leave me with only that much light, but He
very quickly took me to chapter 3:19-20, but verse 21 is the best news I
had ever heard in my whole life and so it is to this day. Verse 21… But
now the righteousness of God without the law is manifested, being
witnessed by the law and the prophets; 22… even the righteousness of
God, which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that
believe. For the first time my heart saw what God did, in sending Jesus. The righteousness that God required of me He also provided in Jesus. But I still had this problem, God can't just give this gift of salvation to me and not deal with my sin, or pretend that I had not done evil or sin toward Him. I also had the idea that I was to deceived and wicked for Him. Then I read chapter 4:4-5, but to him that worketh not, but believeth on Him that Justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness. When I saw that God Justifies ungodly people, then I thought there might be hope for me. Yes, now He showed me, I Eli saw my sins laid on the Lord Jesus. Yes, He was really punished for my sins. The Father bruised His own son and was pleased with that, it is finished. Yes, GOD has dealt with my sin and now my soul is at rest. I trusted Christ for my savior for the first time…marvelous grace. I praise His Holy name. Dear Reader, If you don't know where you are at, don't just do nothing please, humble yourself enough to ask for help, if you are to proud to ask, you probably are to big for Jesus. God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Trust God, trust His word, seek Him He will be found, hang on to His promises. This is my e-mail address shetler@apex.net
if I can be of any help. |
