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The Amish Voice 8
When first awakened to a sense of sin, Luther
became unspeakably troubled. Once and again
deep anguish took hold of his soul, and it
seemed as if he would sink under it. On one
occasion he had been conversing with a friend
upon the things of God. No sooner had the
conversation ended, than the truths of which
they had been speaking struck home with
awful power to the tossed soul of Luther. He
left the room and sought the nearest chamber
to give vent to the feelings of his bursting
heart. He threw himself up on the bed and
prayed aloud in agony; repeating over and
over again these words of the apostle, “He
hath shut them all up in unbelief, that He
might have mercy upon all” (Rom. 11:32).
Luther now began to try to make himself holy.
He fasted for days together. He shut himself
up alone in his cold cell. He passed many
nights, sometimes for weeks, without sleep.
He read, he studied, he prayed, he wept, he
watched, he strove, but all in vain! He found
himself as far from holiness and peace as ever!
If ever anyone could have gained heaven by
his own merits, Luther would have gained it.
To those around him, he seemed the holiest
man alive. But the light of the law showed him
that within all was vile. His soul cried out for
rest, but he found it not, for he was seeking it
not in God’s way, but in a way of his own. He
wanted to be sure that his sins were forgiven
him, for he felt that until he knew this, he
could not have peace. But his fear increased
upon him, and he knew not what to do, nor
which way to turn. He saw everything that he
thought and did to be sin, and how could he
rest until he knew that all was forgiven! His
friends told him to do good works and that
would satisfy the justice of God. Miserable
comforters!
“What good works,” said he, “can proceed out
of a heart like mine; how can I, with works
like these, stand before a holy Judge.” The
terrors of the fiery law compassed him about
and consumed his soul. His “sore ran in the
night and ceased not.” He saw nothing in God
but the angry Judge. He had not yet learned
the riches of His grace through Jesus Christ.
His bodily health gave way. “A wounded
spirit, who can bear.” He wasted away. He
became thin and pale. His eyes, which were
peculiarly bright, looked wild with despair;
and death seemed just at hand. In this state he
was visited by an old priest. His name was
Staupitz. He pitied
the dying monk,
and all the more so
when he was told
the cause of his
suffering, for he
had himself passed
through the same
conflict. But he
had found the
peace of Christ in
his soul, and was
therefore
well
fitted
to
give
counsel to Luther.
“It is in vain,” said
Luther to him,
“that I make promises to God; sin is always
too strong for me.”
“Oh, my friend,” said Staupitz, “I have often
made vows myself, but I never could keep
them; I now make no more vows; for if God
will not be merciful to me for Christ’s sake, I
cannot stand before Him with all my vows and
works.”
Luther made known to him all his fears. He
spoke of God’s justice, God’s holiness, God’s
sovereign majesty. How could he stand before
such a God? “Why,” said his aged friend, “do
you distress yours elf with these thoughts?
Look to the wounds of Jesus, to the blood
which he has shed for you; it is there that you
will see the mercy of God. Cast yourself into
the arms of the Savior. Trust in Him — in the
righteousness of His life — in the atoning
sacrifice of His death. Do not shrink away
from Him. God is not against you; it is only
you who are averse from God. Listen to the
Son of God. He became man to assure you of
the divine favor.”
Still Luther was dark. He thought he had not
repented properly, and asked, “How can I dare
believe in the favor of God, so long as there is
in me no real conversion? I must be changed
before He can receive me.”
He is told that there can be no real conversion
so long as a man fears God as a stern judge.
“There is,” said his friend, “no true repentance
but that which begins in the love of God and
righteousness. That which some fancy to be
the end of repentance is only its
beginning. If you wish to be really
converted, do not try these
penances. Love Him who has first
loved you.”
Luther listens and is glad. The day
breaks, new light pours in. “Yes,”
said he, “it is Jesus Christ that
comforts me so wonderfully by
these sweet and healing words.”
In order to true repentance we
must love God!He had never
heard this before. Taking this truth
as his guide, he went to the
Scriptures. He turned up all the
passages
which
speak
of
repentance and conversion; and these two
words which were formerly his terror, now
become precious and sweet. The passages
which used to alarm him, now “seemed to run
to me from all sides, to smile, to spring up and
play around me. Formerly I tried to love God,
but it was all force; and there was no word so
bitter to me as that of repentance. Now there is
none more pleasant. Oh, how blessed are all
God’s precepts when we read them not in
books only, but in the precious wounds of the
Savior.”
Thus he learned that we are not forgiven
because we love God, but we love God
because we are forgiven. We cannot repent,
we cannot love, until we have known and
believed the love that God hath for us. “Herein
is love, not that we loved God, but that He
loved us, and gave His Son to be the
propitiation for our sins” (1 John 4:10).
Still Luther’s darkness at times returned. His
sins again went over his soul, and hid the face
of God. “Oh, my sin! My sin! My sin!” cried
he, one day to his aged friend. “What would
you have?” said Staupitz. “Would you like if
your sin was not real? Remember, if you have
only the appearance of a sinner, you must be
content with the mere appearance of a Savior.
But learn this, that Jesus Christ is the Savior of
those who are real and great sinners, and
Continued—next page
Martin Luther’s Conversion
—
Horatius Bonar (1808-1889)