Basic HTML Version
The Amish Voice 10
Why are there so many young people leaving
their parents and the Amish culture?
Is it because the days are evil and ac-
cording to Romans 1:30 and II Tim 3:2,
it will just end that way?
Is it because young people want to know
why they are required to live differently
from the rest of American society and
are not getting solid answers (at least in
their own mind) that make sense?
Is it because more and more Amish
youth have cell phones and are able to
stay connected with their friends who
left before them and, in the process, get
talked into leaving too?
Is it because the Amish population con-
tinues to grow (doubling in size every
15 years). And as it grows, the number
of youth leaving becomes greater too?
Chances are, all of these areas are
playing a part in why more and more Amish
youth are leaving their parents and culture.
However, I am convinced there is one reason
that has not yet been pointed out, and it is the
main one. Maybe the only one in many cas-
es. Let me explain:
In my 25 years of counseling run-a-
way Amish youth, between the ages of 16
and 19, I have found that in every single
case, the
emotional connection
between
child and parent was lost early in life. And
as the
emotional connection
dwindled be-
tween child and parent, the child became
more and more connected to
something
or
someone
else.
What continues to trouble me more
than anything: oftentimes, as the
emotional
connection
between parent and child breaks
down, many parents add to the turmoil by
responding to their child in a
negative way. By that, I mean,
rather than take time to recon-
nect the broken relationship,
the parent chooses to become
more controlling and aggres-
sive, which in turn drives the
child even further away.
I believe in discipline because the
Bible says so. In Proverbs 13:24, Solomon
writes:
“He that spareth his rod hateth his
son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him
betimes (promptly).”
We must use the rod,
but just as importantly as it is to use the rod,
it is ever so important that we love and hug
on our children. They need to know that dad
and mom believe in them; that they are ap-
preciated and special.
The following is a true story that
happened about 10 years ago. Atlee, at the
age of 18 decided he no longer wanted to be
Amish. So one night he got in contact with
one of his buddies who had left previously
and asked him to come and
pick him up. Atlee said, “I’ve
had all I can take and I’m com-
ing free from all the authority
and rules that are driving me
crazy.”
The day after Atlee
left, I met up with him and I said, “Atlee, I
have just three questions for you:
[Question #1]
When was the last time your
parents said they loved you?
To which he replied, “never!” — “they
have never told me that I am loved!”
[Question #2]
When was the last time you
received a hug from either one of your par-
ents?
Again, Atlee replied “never! I don't re-
member ever getting a hug.”
[Question #3]
When was the last time your
parents said, “Atlee, we want you to know,
we really appreciate you a lot. You are a
hard worker and we are very thankful for
everything you do around here.”
And again, Atlee replied, “Joe, I have
not once in 18 years heard any of those
words.” In fact, he said, “it has been
quite the opposite. My dad is always
hollering at me. I can never seem to
measure up, regardless of how hard I
try.”
Dear reader, can you see what was
happening in Atlee’s life? Do you blame
him for wanting to leave his
parents?
What happened in At-
lee’s situation is happening in
many of other homes. And
oftentimes, when the son or
daughter leaves the Amish, the
parent’s first reaction is to blame someone
else for what happened. Either they will
blame the person s/he was hanging around
with, or they will blame the person who
helped them leave. I don't mean to sound
cruel or mean but it’s the truth.
Maybe at this point, it would be
good to remind ourselves that blaming others
for our own shortcomings started with the
first couple in the Garden of Eden. Remem-
ber how God came to Adam in chapter 3 of
Genesis—after they had eaten the forbidden
fruit—God asked,
“Hast thou eaten of the
tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou
shouldest not eat?”
and Adam replied,
“The
woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she
gave me of the tree, and I did
eat.
The first thing Adam
did was blame his wife. So
God turned to Eve and asked,
“What is this that thou hast
done? And the woman said,
The serpent beguiled (deceived) me, and I
did eat.”
Again, the blame was passed on to
someone else.
Six thousand years have not made
any difference at all when it comes to push-
ing the blame on others, myself included. We
all stand guilty before God.
But in the context of our question,
today (
Why are there so many young people
leaving their parents and the Amish cul-
ture?)
let’s be honest with ourselves and
evaluate the relationships between us and our
children. What do they look like? When was
the last time you reminded them how much
you appreciate, love and cherish them? If it
has been more than 2 or 3 months, it has
been too long. They need to hear it on a reg-
ular basis. We all need to hear it often.
My challenge to you is, regardless
of what your
emotional connection
looks
like with your children, don’t let this day end
before you take each one aside and love on
them. They need to hear it even more if they
are at the beginning stages of adulthood.
Early stages of adulthood often
brings new concerns about body image and
appearance. Both girls and boys who never
before gave much thought to their looks may
suddenly spend hours worrying and com-
plaining—about being too short, too tall, too
fat, too skinny or too pimply. They may
even appear to be lazy, but don't let any of
these changes keep you from telling them
how special they are.
Lastly, we would love to hear from
you, concerning this topic. We’ll even print
it in the next Amish Voice, if you let us. That
is, if you get it to me by May 15th.
May the Lord favor you with cour-
age, wisdom and a heart that spills over with
love and appreciation for your children.
Youth Leaving the Amish Culture
—Joe Keim
Death and life
are
in
the power of the
tongue: and they that
love it shall eat the
fruit thereof.
—Proverbs 18:21
And, ye fathers, pro-
voke not your children
to wrath: but bring
them up in the nurture
and admonition of the
Lord. —Ephesians 6:4