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The Amish Voice 14
A hardened heart can cause a lot of pain.
Here are three reasons why bitterness
should be removed from your heart as
soon as possible:
1. Bitterness harbors unforgiveness.
You may feel justified in your anger.
You may think that your spouse doesn't
deserve your forgiveness until he or she
straightens out. But have you forgotten
the mercy that Jesus had for you?
Romans 5:8 tells us that Christ died for
us while we were yet sinners. By God's
grace, He didn't wait for us to "get our
act together" before He provided a way
for forgiveness. He gave it to us freely
even when we didn't deserve it. At
Golgotha as the soldiers gambled for
Jesus' clothing, the dying innocent Christ
prayed,
"Father, forgive them, for they
know not what they do"
(Luke 23:34). If
forgiveness is given freely to us, how
much more should we give it to our
spouses?
Not only should you desire forgiveness
simply because it was given so freely to
you, but also, the Bible tells us that there
are consequences for unforgiveness.
Jesus said,
"For if ye forgive men their
trespasses, your heavenly Father will
also forgive you: But if ye forgive not
men their trespasses, neither will your
Father
forgive
your
trespasses”
(Matthew 6:14-15). Seek
forgiveness not only for the sake of your
spouse, but also for yourself.
The other day, I found that my
disappointment in my friend was turning
into its own form of bitterness. So I
sought the Scriptures for guidance. As
always, the Word of God shone brilliant
light on my own darkness. I was so
moved by the verse I read that I wrote it
down over and over until there was no
more room left on the page. "
For he shall
have judgment without mercy, that hath
shewed no mercy; and mercy rejoiceth
against judgment."
(James 2:13).
I wonder how many hurting marriages
would be healed if Christian husbands
and wives learned to love mercy as much
as they love justice?
2. Bitterness doesn't give your spouse a
chance to repent.
If you've been
holding in your hurt, your spouse may
not even know he or she has offended
you. Bitterness often comes from hurt
that has been suppressed without
communication, like filling up a bottle
with pressure. Eventually that bottle will
explode. In the same way, the outburst in
your heart can result in a broken
marriage, and your spouse never even
saw it coming. In this case, go ahead and
tell him or her what's been bothering you.
Sit down and try to work it out.
Perhaps your spouse does know of your
unhappiness, but chooses to continue in
the same patterns. This does not negate
your responsibility to remove the
bitterness from your heart. You still need
to give your spouse the chance to repent,
although stronger measures, such as
marriage counseling, may need to take
place.
You may ask, "How many times does my
spouse have to do something before I'm
justified in my bitterness?" Peter had a
similar question in Matthew 18:21. He
asked,
“Lord, how oft shall my brother
sin against me, and I forgive him? till
seven times?”
Jesus replied in verse 22,
"I say not unto
thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy
times seven.”
No matter how many times your spouse
may do something, you are still
responsible for forgiving him or her.
(Note: If your spouse is physically
abusing you, get out of your house and
do not stay there. A person who is
physically abusive needs extensive
counseling and rehabilitation. However,
no matter how the situation ends, you can
still work on forgiveness from the heart.)
3. Bitterness spreads.
Have you ever
seen a piece of moldy bread? It appears
that there is only one ruined area, but if
you were to look at the bread through a
microscope, you would see long roots
spreading throughout the slice. What
appears on the surface doesn't reflect
what's really happening below.
Bitterness grows the same way. One little
bit of bitterness can start to spread
throughout your heart and contaminate
your whole body. It will start to manifest
itself in your attitude, demeanor, and
even your health.
In addition, the spreading can also affect
your children and your family. Have you
ever noticed how one person's criticism
makes everyone else critical, too? It's the
same with bitterness. Paul compares it to
yeast when he writes,
"A little leaven,
leavens the whole lump"
(Galatians 5:6).
When you allow bitterness into your life,
Bitterness, cont. from back cover
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