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it extends to your family, your church
body, and everyone else involved in your
life.
Getting rid of bitterness
You may feel like there is little hope left
for your marriage relationship. You may
be so full of bitterness that you've
convinced yourself that your marriage
could never be healed, but let me assure
you that the healing begins with yourself.
With God, all things are possible
(Matthew 19:26).
Here are four steps to take to begin
healing from bitterness:
1.Confess your bitterness as a sin.
It's
so easy to justify our attitude when we've
been hurt, but the Bible teaches that
bitterness is a sin. Hebrews 12:14-15
says, "
Follow peace with all men, and
holiness, without which no man shall see
the Lord: Looking diligently lest any man
fail of the grace of God; lest any root of
bitterness springing up trouble you, and
thereby many be defiled…”
You must
seek peace with your spouse and the
grace to forgive.
2. Ask for God's strength to forgive
your spouse and diligently seek that
forgiveness.
In Ephesians 4:31-32, Paul
exhorts us to "
Let all bitterness, and
wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil
speaking, be put away from you, with all
malice: And be ye kind one to another,
tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
even as God for Christ's sake hath
forgiven you."
It's hard to be tender-hearted to a spouse
who has hurt you, but it is possible. We
have the power to forgive because Christ
forgave us, and He gives us strength
through the Holy Spirit.
3. Make a list of your hurts and find a
time to talk to your spouse about it.
After you've made your list, pray about
which things you can let go and which
need to be resolved. If you can let them
go, then do so. You may want to
physically scratch off each one that you
can forgive as an act of faith. Then for
those transgressions that are left, ask God
to give you the strength to talk to your
spouse about them.
Before talking to your spouse, let him or
her know that you plan to set aside some
undistracted time for you to talk about
some issues. As you talk, keep the
discussion
productive.
Start
by
confessing your own sins to your spouse.
Then talk about your hurts. Don't just
dump all your irritations and criticisms
on your spouse, but speak in love,
rationally and gently.
If you feel like you can't talk to your
spouse alone, then ask a pastor or mentor
couple to join you in the discussion.
Make sure your spouse knows that
someone else will be there. Once you
begin, your spouse may deny the
behavior or even become irritated, but
the object of the discussion is to expose
the wounds, not to accuse. Keep love the
main motivator of your communication.
4. Worry about changing yourself, not
your spouse.
You cannot change your
spouse—only God can. But what you can
do is allow God to change your heart. If
you have a log of bitterness in your own
eye, how can you take the speck out of
your spouse's eye? (Matthew 7:3). You,
too, have made choices in this
relationship that have hurt your spouse
and need to be mended. Even though
your spouse's sin goes unresolved for
now, he or she will answer for it one day
before God (Matthew 10:26). In the same
way, God will hold you responsible for
the bitterness in your heart.
Copyright © 2007 by FamilyLife. All rights
reserved.
FamilyLife is a donor-supported ministry
offering practical and biblical resources and
events to help you build a godly marriage and
family.
Footnotes:
1. "Beethoven Was Poisoned", Thursday, 19
October 2000, News in Science.
Next Step
Attend a Weekend to Remember®. For
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how to build intimacy, improve
communication, and take your marriage
to the next level!
Bitterness, Continued
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