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The Amish Voice 8
I grew up in an Old Order Amish set-
ting where I still live, and I thought I had a
fairly normal life. I am the oldest of eleven
children, and I probably got more privileg-
es because of that. Our family got along
reasonably well, except for the fact that
Dad struggled with controlling his temper.
This resulted in much tension in the home.
In spite of this, I took pride in the fact that I
was able to handle it well. I was seldom
irked or upset by anything, but I was never
happy either even though it might have
appeared like it to people around me be-
cause I did a lot of whistling.
I went through a rebellious stage where
I didn’t really care what I got into, yet deep
down I wanted to do what was right. I
joined the church when I was sixteen be-
cause I felt an emptiness in my heart and
thought this would help fill it. Between the
ages of seventeen and nineteen my life
went downhill. I didn’t want it to, but I
didn’t know what to do about it.
In the meantime, my next younger
brother was struggling, but he got connect-
ed to a home for spiritually troubled men
and boys. He was there for five or six
months, and then he came back home. I
noticed that he seemed to have something
that I didn’t have, and yet, it all seemed
odd to me.
During this time, my life was far
enough downhill that I decided to forget
Christianity and go live a life of sin. (Even
though this is what I decided to do, I never
actually did it.) My brother and I seldom
talked about the spiritual side of life. He
approached me about the need for God in
my life at about the time I decided to leave,
without knowing what I had decided. In
spite of everything, I prayed daily even
though I thought my prayers were not
heard. I prayed because it soothed my trou-
bled conscience a little. I knew God wasn’t
in my life, but deep down I had a desire for
Him. Yet, it seemed Satan had a tighter
grip on my life.
My brother encouraged me to go to the
home where he had been. I reluctantly
agreed for him to call and see when the
next opening would be, but he found out
the next opening would not be for about
five months. I was almost despondent as I
knew in my heart that I would never hold
out that long.
In my heart, I was crying out for help,
so I found a secluded spot, and I prayed
earnestly to God for the first time in a long
time. I prayed, “God, you know I will nev-
er hold out another five months. If you
want me to take this step in my life, then
let something work out sooner than five
months.” I felt a sense of peace after com-
mitting this to God, and somehow I knew
he had heard my prayer.
The next day my brother talked to the
Administrator at the home, and when he
got back, he said that there would be an
opening for me the next week. I was
amazed, to state it mildly. I knew God was
speaking to me. I felt that God had a deep
love and concern for me.
I later asked the Administrator at the
home how it worked out that they had an
opening all at once in spite of a long wait-
ing list. His answer was, “I really don’t
know.” Amazing! God almighty has a plan
for every soul on this earth, and yet, that
plan will never be fulfilled unless we seek
for it.
There is a promise in the Bible that was
brought to my attention about this time,
and it gave me tremendous courage.
Ask,
and it shall be given you, seek and ye shall
find, knock, and it shall be opened unto you
(Matthew 7:7).
I knew my life was still a mess, but I
had a peace like I never had before, just
knowing I was on the right track. I looked
forward to the daily sessions with my
counselor. One day he asked me if I had
ever been born again. I said I really don’t
know, but I suppose so. I knew I tried real
hard to do what was right, and I was bap-
tized, yet in looking back, I had never been
born again.
At this point in my life, I knew trying to
be a good person on my own strength was
a lost cause. My counselor encouraged me
to pray to God, admit my helplessness, and
welcome Him into my heart to change me
completely and give me a new heart filled
with His divine love. This was a new
thought to me; nevertheless, this is what I
did. Something happened in my life that
had never happened before. It was not a
huge change, but it was a very, very real
change. A change that only God could
make. Once I felt my need for change, I
was willing. In looking back five years
later, my life has never been the same
since.
I would like to note a few things that
changed after my conversion. One of the
first things I noticed was in my feelings
and emotions. As noted earlier, I was sel-
dom irked by any situation, but on the oth-
er hand, I was seldom happy either. What
happened was that in my younger years I
had blocked out the pain that I felt rather
than accepting it as my pain and dealing
with it between God and me. By blocking
this pain, I unknowingly blocked my emo-
tions too. And now things were different.
All of a sudden, I could be irritated over
the oddest things that would have never
irritated me before. But on the other hand, I
could now also feel joy like I had never
experienced before.
Because I let God change me, He could
restore my emotions to the way they should
be. Has life been rosy ever since? Certainly
not! Don’t take me wrong, I have been
blessed more than I ever imagined, but
God’s children are not promised an easy
Born Again
—
My Journey To Salvation
—Jonas Yoder
—continued on next page—
“Marvel not that I
said unto thee, Ye
must be born again.”
– John 3:7