Amish Voice, July 2014

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The Amish Voice 12
The danger to most marriages isn’t infidelity, or any of the other
“big” things we tend to think of when we think of marriages
dissolving. Even if infidelity is involved, the
problems started long before that line was
crossed. No one in a healthy marriage wakes
up and says “I think I’ll have an affair
today.”
No, as I mention in my book,
ruining a healthy marriage is a
“slow fade” to borrow the Casting Crowns
phrase. It is one bad decision at a time, a
little bit of complacency at a time. So, if
you’re interested in ruining your marriage? You can try these steps:
1. Criticize your spouse.
Girl, you deserve the absolute best, and if you aren’t getting it, you
need to tell him all about it. Nag him about everything. Analyze,
criticize and micromanage everything he does. After all, if he isn’t
doing it your way, he’s doing it wrong. If he hasn’t messed up
lately, be sure to bring up all his past mistakes!
While you’re at it, complain about him to your girlfriends, crack
belittling jokes about him in social settings, whether he’s standing
right there or not. I mean, how else are you going to fit in with your
friends? What can we talk about if we don’t make fun of our
husbands? These days, you’re accused of being a fuddy-duddy if
you don’t.
Finally, while you’re criticizing, go ahead and ream him about his
family, too. They are just the people who raised him for all these
years.
2. Be selfish.
Focus on your needs and wants, not his. He isn’t meeting your
needs and that’s all that matters. He any effort from
you. Make a mental list of all the ways that he isn’t living up to his
side of things in your marriage. But don’t dare think about any of
your own failures. Refuse to change until he does.
Since you’re being selfish, you should probably go ahead and tack
on some unreasonable expectations, and expect him to fill the void
in your life that only Jesus can fill. If you aren’t feeling complete or
fulfilled, it must be your husband’s fault. Yet another reason you
shouldn’t do anything to meet his needs. They aren’t as important as
yours anyway.
If you do have faults, you can easily find excuses and justifications
for them.
3. Ignore your spouse.
Dating? That ends after you say, “I do.” right? Don’t spend time
with him. Don’t try to learn his love languages.
Don’t make him a priority. You need time with your girlfriends.
Your kids need time with you. You live with your spouse every day,
you shouldn’t have to make time with him a priority. Go ahead and
multi-task when you’re spending time with him. It’s not your fault
that you just have too much stuff to do.
And, obviously between his lack of attention and your to-do list, he
should understand why there is little passion in the relationship.
You shouldn’t have to try and force it. Don’t bother.
Since you’re already married, there is no need to make any effort–
not at kindness, or appearance, or spending time together.
While you’re ignoring him, you need someone to talk to, so you
might as well go ahead and friend your old flame on Facebook and
strike up an innocent “remember when” conversation. Or have a
couple of close friends of the opposite sex to confide in and spend
time alone with. You need a male perspective about things, that’s
all.
4. Fight.
Having an argument? Be sure to take everything he says in the
worst possible way. And then bring up all his past mistakes. And try
to read his mind. You already know what he’s thinking and what
he’s going to say so why let him speak at all.
Don’t like to argue? That’s okay, you don’t need to. You can just
sulk and stew, until your anger and hurt feelings take root in your
heart to make you bitter.
You should be as intolerant and unforgiving as possible. Mistakes
are not allowed in this house. At least, not his. We aren’t thinking
about yours. Because you’re always right. Always.
5. Play the comparison game.
Your husband isn’t meeting your needs, but all of your friends have
perfect husbands. Susie’s husband is more thoughtful. Kelly’s
husband makes more money than yours and takes her on vacation.
Sally’s husband is more fun and outgoing. The list just goes on and
on. Why can’t your husband be more like that, because then, you
would be happy.
Their husbands are better, their lives are better. Make it impossible
for your husband to measure up.
And, there you go. You’re well on your way to a ruined marriage.
However, if you would like to nurture your marriage instead, I
would recommend that you check out my book, Intentional
Marriage. In it, I share some devotionals and challenges to
encourage us wives to be more intentional in loving our husbands.
Obviously, this is written very tongue-in-cheek. But unfortunately,
these are habits that take root in our marriages every day. I have
been guilty of many of them myself.
For more information about the
Intentional Marriage book, see page 14.
Five Ways to Ruin a Marriage —By Crystal Brothers
The End