How God transformed my view of control, fatherhood, and spiritual fruit through surrender
From Fear of Dad to Trust in the Father
Growing up, I learned to measure my words and actions by one question: “Will this upset my Dad?”
My Dad had a way of putting fear into me—not just the fear of punishment, but the fear of disappointing him. I remember the sting of his words: “I’ll knock you up a block, then knock your block off.” And he meant it. He followed through.
So I lived with a kind of internal pressure—not to be righteous, but to be safe. Not to be free, but to be careful. I didn’t want to be the reason for his anger. I didn’t want my “block knocked off” again.
For most of my life, I saw God through the lens I inherited from my Dad. I saw Him as someone waiting to knock my block off. Something inside me drove me to do things outwardly to pacify Him, to keep Him from getting angry.
I lived that way for years, always hiding what I couldn’t change on the inside, hoping no one, especially other Christians, would see it. If I could hide the inside from them, maybe God wouldn’t be embarrassed. Maybe the block would stay safe. So I produced self-control, but it was mine, not His.
Years later, when I was 52 years old, I came to realize I didn’t truly know God at all. Then He revealed Himself to me in a new and life-giving way. That’s when I met a Father who was nothing like my Dad.
God doesn’t manipulate or threaten. He doesn’t tear down to control. He builds, breathes life, and speaks peace.
God doesn’t demand control. He invites surrender. And in that surrender, something miraculous happens: His Spirit begins to produce fruit in me that I could never grow on my own.
It was through this process that Father God taught me about the fruit of the Spirit recorded in Scripture as Temperance, but more commonly known today as SelfControl.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law” (Gal 5:22–23).
What I’ve Been Learning About Self-Control
Self-control is not a human achievement. It is a fruit produced by the Spirit of God in and through the life of a son or daughter who has yielded themselves to Him.
“Ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption…” (Romans 8:15)
If the fruit is rotten, a person may display religion, captivity to internal doctrines and laws of enslavement.
When the fruit of self-control is fresh, it’s never about the tree (the person), but about the Spirit of God, the One who produces it.
Without the true, fresh fruit of self-control being manifested through their lives, believers cannot effectively manifest the Living Holy Spirit in a way that gives, feeds, and edifies others.
Many Christians cannot adequately explain what real Holy Spirit Fresh Fruit of Self-Control feels like, let alone what it looks like.
What It’s Not
The real fruit is not:
• A person who controls themselves
• A person who has the right answer
• A person who refrains from sin
• A person who says the right thing and acts the right way to get along with the right people
These may be attributes of the fruit, but they can also be outward manifestations of inward rotten fruit—sprayed with religious pesticides to give the impression of lasting ripeness.
What It Is
The real, fresh, sweet fruit, safe for consumption, is produced by the Spirit of God after the human yields the planting soil over to Him. It comes forth from a person who presents their control to God, fully relinquishing it. Only then can the true fruit of the Spirit be produced and manifested so others can consume it unto edification.
“I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing” (Jn 15:5)
The Confusion
Many confuse fruit of self with fruit of the Spirit. Self-control is not the human self’s production of learned self-modifications toward self-improvement. Instead, it is taking the hands off, dying to self, and yielding control to God, who then produces His Self through the individual’s life.
Only then can that real, true fruit sustain another. Everything else, no matter how well-meaning, is generic in nature and leaves the receiver spiritually malnourished.
Redemption Between Dad and Me
While it’s true that I received a false outlook from my Dad, one I carried from childhood into adulthood, and while it’s also true that this outlook led me into a distorted view of who God is, that’s not the end of the story.
In 2019, at 52 years old, I had the opportunity to speak with my Dad. In that moment, I saw something in him I hadn’t seen before: the love of a father.
Just after that visit, Father God began to reveal Himself to me in a new and life-giving way. Two weeks later, my Dad passed away. But before he did, words of forgiveness, reconciliation, and love were spoken between us. And those words became the very sparks of life that God used to initiate His redemptive process in me.
This story is not about dishonoring my Dad, it’s about honoring the truth, and the healing that came when both my earthly Dad and my heavenly Father reached into my life with love. It’s about transformation. It’s about grace. It’s about the fruit that only the Spirit of God can produce when a life is surrendered.
Reader Reflection
If you’ve ever struggled with fear, performance, or a distorted view of God, know this: The Father is not waiting to knock your block off. He’s waiting to build you up, breathe life into you, and produce fruit through your surrender.
Anchor Line
True self-control isn’t me controlling myself, it is God manifesting His control through my surrender.
Closing Prayer
Father, I surrender my soil to You. I release my grip, my effort, my fear. Produce in me the fruit that only You can grow. Let Your Spirit manifest through me—not for performance, but for nourishment. May others taste and see that You are good. Amen.
Author Bio
Andrew is a minister, writer, and deliverance teacher whose journey from fear to freedom fuels his passion for helping others walk in spiritual wholeness. He is currently working on his first book, Caged No More, a collection of stories, reflections, and ministry tools born from his personal transformation and calling.
– Andrew Geesey