For most of my life, I judged and rejected masculinity.

As a boy, I was bullied and mocked by other boys. On top of that, many of the male authority figures in my life felt harsh and cruel. My own dad was part of that picture back then, though today I can honestly say he’s amazing and I love him dearly. Then there were certain employers, the bishop and ministers who excommunicated me, and even school board members at the schools where I taught. Three times at three different schools, I was rejected as “not qualified” to return for a second year. Each rejection cut deep.

Everywhere I looked, men in authority seemed to be tearing me down, not building me up.

And what did I conclude? That men were only about sports, hunting, guns, and other hobbies I despised. Camping or “roughing it” in the wilderness? Forget it. I mocked the idea so hard that guys eventually stopped even inviting me, because they already knew I would scoff.

So where did I steer instead? Toward the softer, more feminine side of me.

I poured myself into music, art, reading, acting onstage in musicals (yes, even stage makeup with the ladies), and dancing. I enjoyed being around girls, but only as a friend. Even my body language had a softer edge without me realizing it. No, I wasn’t gay. Yes, I was definitely attracted to girls. But they mostly saw me as the nice, handsome friend, not someone they were romantically drawn to. And since I lacked masculine confidence, I rarely pursued them either.

Then God brought Carlos Campos into my life. He called it out immediately: I wasn’t actually balanced; I was avoiding masculinity. And the only way forward was to face it. He challenged me to start doing the very things I had judged and dismissed, and to do them with other men.

So I did.

🏃 I completed a Spartan Trifecta Race in one weekend.
🔫 I shot guns.
🥋 I trained in Krav Maga.
⚽ I played rough sports.
🏋 I worked out and jogged.
🦌 I even went hunting and bagged my first deer.
⛺ I learned to embrace the outdoors in ways I once mocked.

Did I love every second of it?

No. But what I did love was the result.

I felt alive. The hoo-rah came out of me. I felt like a man because I did something hard, something painful, something that cost me blood, sweat, and tears, and I overcame it.

“Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong” (1 Corinthians 16:13).

So, how did this connect to me getting married?

Irina told me straight up: the first time she saw me on video, she thought I looked boyish, only friend material. But as I rose in masculine confidence, her perspective shifted. Suddenly, I wasn’t just a nice guy. I became attractive to her. That confidence opened the door for us to connect, and eventually, I won her heart.

Here’s the truth I had to face: In judging other men, I had judged masculinity itself. And in doing so, I rejected that part of me. I became unbalanced.

Today, I can see it’s not about being all masculine or all soft. It’s about balance born out of forgiveness and healing. Embracing both the strong and the gentle. Both grit and grace. Both the Spartan race and the musical stage. Just as Yeshua embodied “grace and truth” (John 1:14), we too are called to live in fullness, not in halves.

I don’t know who this is for, but if it resonates with you, hear me: Forgive the men who hurt you.

“Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye” (Colossians 3:13).

Stop rejecting the masculine. Get out there and push yourself to do something hard. Sweat. Strain. Hurt a little. Conquer a challenge.

You might be surprised by what it unlocks in you. And who it attracts!