Security in Who?

By Steve Stutzman

October 31, 2013

Steve Stutzman and his wife Dorcas are currently serving in ministry at Strait Paths Foundation. They are based in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, and much of their outreach is focused around Biblical mentoring, teaching and training; they offer personal and group sessions with a heart toward discipleship and leadership that is Biblically founded and Christ-centered.

Steve writes: She walked into my office like she owned the world - not cocky, just very confident and self-assured. She was young; too young, I thought, to be selling ads for the top TV station in the state. Usually advertisers had to work their way up from Yellow Pages thru Newspaper to Radio, but not her. She was already at the top of her game.

We bought some ads from the station. In the process, we had several encounters with the sales lady. One such encounter happened when my wife was running the sales desk.

They talked together and connected. After some time, the conversation turned personal. It got interrupted occasionally, by customers or by one of my little dippers toddling around the premises. But eventually the questions came blurting out.

Who are you? What do you believe anyway? Why are you so happy? What is that thing on your head? My wife laughed, and you have to understand: her laugh is pure music. She explained salvation and God and Christ. She spoke of our relationship, of God's order, of the security she found in it, and how God's ways work.

After a moment's distraction, my wife turned and saw that the lady was gone. Looking through the window toward the parking lot, she saw the car still sitting there. The lady did not return, so my wife went on a concerned hunt for her.

She found the girl crumpled down against the office wall, around the back of the building. The confidence had fled; the self-assurance was running out of her eyes and streaking the carefully applied make-up. My wife, horrified, tried in vain to remember what she had said that wounded this lady so deeply.

It took just a little time for her to compose herself enough to reply, "They told me, I am in charge of my own life. They said never depend on anyone else, but look out for #1," she sniffled. "I did. I did it all. I got A's in school, and graduated college at the top of my class. I got who and what I thought I wanted. I landed a top sales position right out of school. I have money to blow, a new car, my own house, and a live-in boyfriend. I have it all-but you . . . ," and she burst into tears again. When she composed herself, she went on. "But you have EVERYTHING I WANT." More tears. I knew right away when I heard the story she wasn't talking about me. She wasn't even talking about my little girls, even though they could melt a statue with their eyes. She wasn't referring to anything that could be seen. Way down inside something awakened in her that day, something that cried out, a hunger and a desire that all women feel deep in their hearts. She was dying to feel secure.

Her heart was longing to be truly loved, to be cared for and protected. To be given not only what it wanted, but what it needed, even if it could not understand what that was. To cast off the heavy yoke of day-to-day cares in the battle of the work scene, and be a little carefree girl again, full of joy, with laughter that sounded like music. And to feel the security of someone who cared enough to say NO.

I don't know what became of her. I have sometimes wondered. What could she do, after she realized the system had lied to her and trapped her in a scenario of having everything, yet being completely devoid inside?

Young bride, what you are willing to give your life for, is that feeling of security. Cheated wife, this is what makes the situation so painful: the security has been stolen from your grasp.

Fathers, this is what drives the girls in your care, from the one-month old, to the 80-year-old girl on the rocker. They want to feel secure. Those little girls on the floor with their big eyes need to be held and talked to gently. Those school-age girls need to have attention that lets them feel like someone cares. Those teens need to have their dad's approval and affection, and feel his big arms giving them a hug once in a while. They NEED it, like a flower needs sun and like a bee needs nectar.

Dads, don't starve them. Satan is already holding out his 'apples' with a 'yea hath God said' smirk on his face. Feed your little girl's need to feel secure, and his evil plans will lose their allure.

Wounded, starving girl-hearts-Jesus is the answer. He alone can truly fill the desire for security that was left cold and bare by an absent daddy. He has oil for your wounds, payment for your sins, healing for your pain, help for your hopelessness, and value for your shame.

I know not everyone reading this is in the same place in life. I realize that for some, the pain is too deep, and for others the whole thing clangs like a gong, and you feel nothing. For some it's buried too deep. But somewhere down there beats the heart of a little girl that just wants to feel safe.

It is for that girl that I fight?!

PS: If the images of a girl being loved by her daddy bring up any kind of ugly thoughts or feelings, please get help. It is not natural, and you can be set free.