Family Leadership

By Norma Miller

September 1, 2014

Has there ever been anything as beautiful as a man and a woman walking in harmony? Coming together in marriage, harmonizing in music, yielding, giving, leading, following? King Solomon wrote of four things that were too wonderful for him to comprehend; one of the things was “the way of a man with a maid.” There is something amazing about the way a man and a woman interact with each other, especially when they are in God's will.

I am concerned about how the world seems to be emasculating men by making women more like them. Don't get me wrong; men and women are created equal. They are equal in value, equal in intelligence, and equal in importance. However, we are created different, too. Deliciously different! On purpose! The differences in our make-up, our talents, and our roles complement each other. These differences are necessary to bring balance in the relationship between a man and a woman. Each has something to offer that the other does not – a part of the beauty and glory of God unique to each one.

One of the reasons God created humans as male and female is because we each offer our own contribution to the glory of God when we are united as one. God is such an amazing deity with many facets to Himself, His wonder, and His glory. Men display some of those facets and women display others. The enemy’s agenda is to attack men and women, because he feels threatened by these things. Women offer beauty, sweetness, sensitivity, gentleness, and a nurturing heart that are not as strong in most men. Men exude strength, a raw, dangerous power, and a wild side that is not as evident in most women. Both sides display a part of God the other cannot.

The enemy has long attacked women and the beauty they have to offer, evidenced by certain cultures, especially the Muslim culture or Islamic religion.

Contrary to popular opinion, men are also under a grievous attack. However, most of us are totally blind to it, even within the body of Christ. The naiveté of Christians today regarding this fact concerns me deeply.

I am referring to the natural design of God for men to be strong, protective leaders of their families, and the world’s rejection of this design. Since Lucifer’s fall, he has been intent on destroying the beautiful balance that God created in the world by making humankind both male and female. The enemy today attacks both sides, often by using one side to attack the other side they need so much, the side that complements them.

An example of this is how women have been degraded throughout the ages, even in Bible times. Women have been trampled on and viewed as having little more value than animals. They have been used by men, and have often been left unprotected and alone or in shame.

But the enemy has used women to steal from men as well. At one time women had almost no rights and were treated as lower class individuals. I believe that was wrong, but I also feel that the way women tried to rectify that was wrong. Women wanted to be treated fairly, but in the process they treated men so disrespectfully that they also lost the respect, cherishing, and protection they needed from them. Men were devalued and had their manhood robbed from them in many ways. Now we live in a world where women seem to have more rights than men. Men are quickly accused of abuse, but women can be abusive and get away with it. In GOD'S kingdom, His will is that we honor and respect each other for who we are. We need to acknowledge each other's value and see our need of each other. In a culture of honor, God brings a balance that is very powerful, because it is an earthly picture of a complete, perfect, and loving God. Because we struggle so much to find this honor and mutual respect for each other, those around us, including our children, cannot see God the way He intended they should. That is the purpose of marriage—to display in a sin-cursed earth that there is a wonderful, loving God, who can meet all our needs.

I want to encourage men everywhere to rise up to the challenge to be loving leaders and protectors. I commend those of you who have already been rising to that challenge, because I know it is not easy in today's world where men have been emasculated until they are a mere whisper of what they were created to be. Lead with a compassionate, loving heart, but lead. A leader has the best interests of his family in mind. He puts them first, but he is not afraid to make choices for their benefit. He will communicate with them. He will at times need to make hard decisions, but they will be made after considering the needs and feelings of those for whom he cares.

As a wife, one of the greatest callings in my life is to build up and support my husband and empower him to be a godly leader, helping him see his hidden qualities. Instead, many times I find myself focusing on what I want, and without meaning to, I tear him down. Beside every strong man is a woman who believes in him and who is willing to put her own needs aside sometimes so that she can build him up. My husband is a very strong, godly leader, but it took him years to see it, because he was so used to being torn down and disrespected by the women in his life. For every negative word I spoke, I had to speak ten positive words to remove the negative ones from his mind.

I will tell you men a well-kept secret: women want—no—NEED to feel cared for and protected. I am a very strong-natured gal. I know who I am and am not afraid to say what I think. I don't want to be suppressed or controlled, but because I am strong-natured, I need a very strong man with me to lead and protect me. This is not a weakness. It is a strength to understand that our men have something we need. They have something that complements us, something that fits us just right. I NEED to hit a brick wall sometimes. I NEED my husband to protect me and lead me. I need to know he is stronger than I am. All it takes to make me feel insecure is to know that I have a ton of control in our home, or that I am on my own in raising and leading the kids, or that I am not protected. I am not of any less value than my husband. I am just as important. I am just as intelligent (well, I will admit he has it on me in math); but I know that he finishes me; he completes me. He offers what I lack, and I have much to offer him.

This piece was not written to tear men down, but rather to apologize, for I know we as women have aided the enemy in his attack against you and who you have been created to be: a wild, dangerously-strong creature, made in the image of God, called to lead and protect, to subdue the earth, and to bring the kingdom of Heaven here.

I hope you read this with grace, because I know I don't have the whole picture yet. I am very passionate about this because of the havoc the enemy wreaked in my very own home, preventing my husband and me from being who we were created to be, and using us to fight each other and steal from each other.

A word to the ladies now: please, if you want your husband to love you, protect you, respect you, and empower you, then you must respect him and allow him to be a man. Allow him to make mistakes. He has strength you need. Don't cut him down; don't criticize him. Instead, let's encourage our husbands and build them up. Let us be that one amazing woman in his life who is his greatest support and who has what it takes to complement him. As husband and wife we can be that model of balance in a team that God created.

Please don't think I am the perfect wife and have it all put together! My husband would laugh hard at that thought! I am just learning some things, and I want to share them as they are fresh on my heart, reminding myself that there is SO MUCH room for me to grow in this area.

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