Eli Shetler

November 2, 2002

I was 19 years old when I left the Amish. Why? I got in trouble with the church and so for that reason I was rebelling against my parents and didn't have a desire to change.

After I had left home for a few months I though I'd go back home eventually, but I had no reason to. So I set out to live my life, and to experiment in the world, I guess I'd done almost everything I wanted to do, and in the middle of it all, I met the most wonderful women in the world, who is my wife to this day. After we dated for a few years we moved in together for about 2 years. We talked about marriage and everything, but I really didn't want to bring her in this mess that I made for myself. So I told her we needed to wait, this went on for a long time. Why? Because, I really wasn't so sure that I wouldn't go back to the Amish, and I knew that marriage could change everything. So we waited and we got more miserable all the time, we were not happy at all.

We went to a little Baptist church every now and then and we liked it pretty good. The people at the church loved us and made us feel welcome (THANK GOD FOR CHURCH PEOPLE THAT LOVE THE LOST) so we went more often, which led us to more truth, I would ask people and preachers, what does God think about me leaving the Amish, all they could tell me was, well it doesn't really matter about that, you just have to follow the Lord.

That didn't help me any because I believed that I'd come from that place (that is I believed that I was following the Lord being Amish). The Amish are basically good people maybe even better than all these people that I had meet since I left home, or so I thought. But one day I got so miserable and did not know where to turn, I found myself sitting on a piece of drift wood praying and crying out to the God of Heaven, saying I don't know what to do, I was so miserable, but He showed me it was not about going back to the Amish or staying where I was at, it was about following Him.

He also showed me what He thought about me and my girlfriend living together, me feeling guilty and knowing it was the right thing to do. I surprised her with an engagement ring; we got married in the little Baptist church, which we joined not long after.

I thought everything was ok until the Spirit of God started dealing with me, I did what people told me to do, that was, don't doubt your salvation, that's the devil trying to make you doubt. Let me just remind you friend, that is exactly what Jacob thought in the book of Genesis 32:33. Jacob wrestled with a man, and he did not know whether or not it was his brother Esau which was his (Jacobs) enemy never the less it was God. Conviction is not an enjoyable state to be in, but it came to me.

Something that really bothered me was when a preacher would mention the verse in Romans 8:16 {The Spirit itself bearth witness with our Spirit, that we are the children of God:} in my mind I knew this was the truth, it is the word of God. But my heart told me what I didn't want to admit. The Spirit bore witness to my Spirit that I wasn't a child of God. When we sang songs like, it is well with my soul it sounded good but, everything in my heart said, "It is not well with your soul."

Thanks be unto God, who gives sight unto the blind. He opened my heart to His Holy word. As I was reading through the book of Romans I got hooked on chapter 2:17-18 {Behold, thou art called a Jew and restest in the law, and makest thy boast of God, And knowest his will, and aprovest the things that are more excellent, being instructed out of the law} also verses 19-20.

This is what the Lord showed me, every Sabbath the Jews would gather to hear the law read. The Jews agreed to the truth and they believed it was right to obey the law, they believed it was Gods Holy word, in there mind only, which is where I was, I was in church every Sunday to hear the word of GOD preached, but Paul said in Romans 2:28 he is not a Jew, which is one outwardly; verse 29 But he is a Jew, which is one inwardly; Paul said it is in the heart and I knew that it was impossible for me to change my heart. Oh but I wanted a new heart after He showed me what a dirty filthy through and through heart I had. I knew it wasn't works that saved a person, I knew it was faith that pleases God, but I could not make it happen.

I thank God that He didn't just leave me with only that much light, but He very quickly took me to chapter 3:19-20, but verse 21 is the best news I had ever heard in my whole life and so it is to this day. Verse 21... But now the righteousness of God without the law is manifested, being witnessed by the law and the prophets; 22... even the righteousness of God, which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe.

For the first time my heart saw what God did, in sending Jesus. The righteousness that God required of me He also provided in Jesus. But I still had this problem, God can't just give this gift of salvation to me and not deal with my sin, or pretend that I had not done evil or sin toward Him. I also had the idea that I was to deceived and wicked for Him. Then I read chapter 4:4-5, but to him that worketh not, but believeth on Him that Justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness.

When I saw that God Justifies ungodly people, then I thought there might be hope for me. Yes, now He showed me, I Eli saw my sins laid on the Lord Jesus. Yes, He was really punished for my sins. The Father bruised His own son and was pleased with that, it is finished. Yes, GOD has dealt with my sin and now my soul is at rest. I trusted Christ for my savior for the first time...marvelous grace. I praise His Holy name.

Dear Reader, If you don't know where you are at, don't just do nothing please, humble yourself enough to ask for help, if you are to proud to ask, you probably are to big for Jesus. God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Trust God, trust His word, seek Him He will be found, hang on to His promises.

- Eli Shetler

^{This letter has been published with permission from the owner.}