Barbara Borkholder
December 15, 2002
I grew up the oldest child in an Amish family in a rural community about 45 minutes east of Cleveland, Ohio. When I was born my father worked as a construction worker. He worked in this trade until I was 8 years old. He decided he wanted to try a new career as a farmer.
Our family, which included my father, mother, 3 brothers, & myself, moved to a small dairy farm owned by my mother's uncle. On this farm everything was done the old fashioned way. All of the cows were milked by hand. All of the work in the fields was done with teams of horses. There was no tractor.
The church district in this area also allowed no indoor plumbing, which meant we had no running water at the sink and no indoor bathrooms. We had to draw water from a hand pump outside the back door. All the hot water needed for cooking, cleaning, bathing, etc. had to be heated on the stove.
My favorite time during the two years we lived on this farm was maple syrup time. I loved when it was my turn to miss having to help with the chores because I was allowed to stay in the sugar bush with great uncle while he oversaw the boiling of the sap until it became maple syrup. My three brothers and I took turns staying with great uncle each evening during maple syrup time. We got to make maple cream which was kind of maple fudge.
When I was 10 years old my father decided he had enough of the old way of farming and wanted to move on to bigger and better. My father had learned of a farm owned by an Englishman from Cleveland who was looking for an Amish family to move onto his farm and take over operations. Since someone who was not Amish owned the farm, we could use tractors in the fields and we had milkers to milk the cows. He owned a large dairy. We lived on this farm from the time I was 10 years old until I was 19 years old except for about 15 months when I was 13 & 14 we lived with my paternal grandparents. We cared for my elderly grandmother who had a stroke and then passed away several months before we moved back to the farm. During these 15 months my father went back to construction work.
While we were living with my grandparents I graduated 8th grade. I was home for 2 years and worked odd and end jobs. I had always wanted to be a teacher so when I was 16 I was hired to start teaching at a new school that just been built that summer. So in August of 1988 my co-teacher and I opened the doors of Gates Hill School for the first time. I taught 5th, 6th, 7th, & 8th grades and she taught the lower 4 grades. I taught at this school for 3 years. I then went to another for 1 year and after having many problems with some of the parents and students I decided to move on. I was asked to teach at another school, which was a lot closer to home, and I was at this school for my final 3 years of teaching.
As I mentioned earlier we lived on the farm until I was 19 years old. My father decided he was going to give up farming, because my three brothers were getting older and they had no interest in farming. My parents bought 12.69 acres of mostly wooded property nestled about 1400 feet off the road. This land was located at the southern end of the Amish community where we lived and we didn't have any real close Amish neighbors. Here we built a new home and moved into it in the spring of 1991. My family had grown to a total of five. The Lord had added a sister to our family when I was 10 years old. I now had 3 brothers and 1 sister, which is what I still have today.
My father and my oldest and youngest brother went into construction. My middle brother took on the plumbing trade. I continued to teach until I was 23 years old. In the spring of 1995 I decided I had become frustrated and burnt out enough with the Amish School System and the parents I was currently dealing with that I needed to take a year off from teaching. I fully expected to return to the teaching circle after a one-year break, because I loved teaching.
After school was done in April of 1995 I got several cleaning jobs and I went back to work for a Mennonite owned restaurant in our area called the Dutch Family Restaurant as a waitress. I had worked for this restaurant during the summer the last several years of my teaching.
Growing up Amish and not being married at age 23 was a rare thing, especially for a girl. I had watched most of my friends get married and start having babies. By this time my oldest brother was married and my middle brother was planning to get married in October of 1995. My youngest brother had a girlfriend as well.
I had become a member of the Amish church when I was 18 years old. I had been at a drinking party one night and that night several friends were in a serious accident as they were leaving the party. The boy was killed and the girl was seriously injured. Their horse was also killed. When they were leaving the party they pulled out of the driveway into the path of an oncoming vehicle. When this happened I knew in my heart if I had been the one who was killed I would not have gone to heaven. God was beginning to speak to my heart at this time though I did not know it was the Lord. At this time because I did not want to go to hell, I did the only thing I knew to be the answer. I joined the Amish church and was baptized by sprinkling, as is the practice of the Amish church.
During this time period I tried to stop going to drinking parties and I tried to stop drinking. I made it through the summer and the year after I was baptized we moved to our new home. We were in a new church district again. I made some new friends and it was not long after we moved I started going to parties again. I started drinking and smoking. I had a boyfriend for a little while and that kept me from partying as much. After we broke up though I was back to the partying all the time again. Some friends and I started to hang out at the bars and I really cared less what happened to me. You see becoming a member of the church did not change who I was on the inside and it was not enough to keep me from going back to the old life style.
I had a boyfriend during the time I was 21 & 22 off and on. It is amazing to me how God kept his hand upon my life during this time. My boyfriend and I spent many nights together and yet the Lord still physically saved me for my husband. For my 2 oldest brothers this was not the case. They both had one child and they had their second child on the way when they got married. One of my brothers did not marry the girl he had his first child to, and because of the strict rules of some of the Amish, his oldest child's maternal grandparents have prevented him from seeing his child or having any part of her life. The Amish don't believe in getting a lawyer and going to court so there was nothing he could do. The preachers would not do anything to intervene even though they promised my brother they would do something to make sure he could be a part of his daughter's life. It never happened.
My birthday is in April so I turned 23 the year I decided to quit teaching. Not only was I frustrated and burned out with the teaching, I was also getting very frustrated with the way things were going at church. There were so many things I wanted explanations for and I was tired of the pat answer, "That is just the way things are or have always been." As I mentioned before I got a job as a waitress, I had several cleaning jobs and 4 days a week I babysat for a couple with 3 small children. This couple owned a Farm & Garden place in the nearby town and the husband and wife both worked there.
We were discouraged to share things about church rules and happenings with outsiders (people who were not Amish); I shared a lot of my frustrations with the mother of the children I babysat for, because we had become good friends. At the time I did not know they had a guy named Ray Mast working for them who was formerly Amish from Kentucky. My friend would go to work and tell Ray about my frustrations I was having with the church. One day Ray said, "I would like to speak to Barbara. Please have her call me."
The message was passed on to me and so one day I picked up the phone and I called him. He said he would like to share his testimony with me so we planned a time the following weekend when I was going to be babysitting for him to come over. It was a Saturday evening. Ray came over and spent several hours sharing his testimony. He shared his own frustrations with the Amish church where he grew up in Kentucky. Many of them were very similar to those I was having. He shared with me how he had begun to read his English Bible and shared how he come to know Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior. He showed me how the Bible teaches we must be saved and born again in order to get to heaven. This was obviously new to me and a little scary, because this is not what I had been taught all my life. As a matter of fact people who talked about being saved and knowing that they are born again were considered to have a strange belief and were considered to be self-righteous.
After sharing with me for some time and showing me several books in the Bible to read, he invited me to go to church with him. He told me I needed to read the English Bible so I could understand it. I told him I did have one I had gotten when I was 21, because I had been looking for some answers and I knew somehow I would find them in the Bible. I had read my Bible now and then during those 2 years. I never read the Bible before this except for every now and again when my father would require all of us to sit down and read for a while and then it was usually the German Bible. Ray told me I needed to read particular scriptures and told me which ones to read. Just a few of the places he told me to read were Galatians, Ephesians, and the story in Matthew that talks about having to be born again to enter the kingdom of heaven.
The day following the visit with Ray I went to church with my parents and this particular Sunday just happened to be the Sunday service for members only. Twice a year the Amish have a Sunday service where afterwards all the members stay and the bishop and the ministers go over all the rules and regulations. If they want to add any new rules or modify existing rules this is when they do it. I remember leaving after this service very upset with some of the changes. Because of what the Lord had begun in my heart these things seemed so trivial to having anything to do with my getting to heaven or not. God had obviously ordained things to go the way they had, because it helped me to decide to call Ray first thing Monday morning when I got to work. I told him I wanted to take him up on his invitation to go to church with him the following Sunday. The Amish only have church services every 2 weeks so I did not have to miss church at all to go with Ray.
I told my parents what I was doing and they warned me that questioning the Amish way and the things of the church was a dangerous thing. They let me know that what I was doing was against their will and they believed I was wrong. I shared the places in scripture out of my English Bible where the Lord was speaking to me and where my eyes were being opened. Many of the scriptures they could not deny, but they still told me I was wrong to go against the teachings of the church and them. They told me I was reading into scripture and I was only seeing and hearing what I wanted to, to support what I was about to do.
I went to church with Ray that next and at the end of the pastor's message when he gave the invitation I went forward to the altar. I knew I needed to be saved. It was a wonderful day, but now I had to go back home with this newfound truth and joy and face my parents knowing they would not believe that it was true or real. Somehow after that day was over I knew things would never be the same again and I was right.
I still had many questions since no one really prayed with me when I went to the altar and no one explained to me what really happened. The pastor just prayed for me when I went to the altar and I got up and went back to my seat. So the following Wednesday evening Ray and I went to see the pastor and his wife in Meadville, PA where they lived. I spent several hours talking with the pastor and his wife and they explained the plan of salvation to me and then I prayed and asked God to forgive me for my sins and to accept his gift of salvation through Jesus Christ, His Son. I asked Jesus to become my personal Lord and Savior. Believing it was through Jesus Christ alone and His work on the cross that I would be able to meet Him in heaven one day.
I decided that night I would have to move out of my parents home. On Thursday we found an apartment for me to rent and on Friday I stayed home and packed my things. On Friday night Ray and one of the other guys from church came and helped me move my things out of the house and into my apartment. After we had moved things we went to Meadville, PA and one of the girls brought me back to my apartment that night and spent the night. She helped me on Saturday get things unpacked that needed to be unpacked and we put the rest in storage. She spent the night again Saturday night and then took me to church on Sunday. Her name was Sara and she later became Ray's wife.
This was the beginning of my life in Christ. There was a lot of hurt and pain and tears, because of having to leave my family and friends and from life as I had known it for the first 23 years of my life. The Lord, however, gave me the strength to continue in the truth, which I had found and still continues to give me the strength I need today, which is 6 years later. I knew Jesus was real and I believed the Word of God that said Jesus was my Savior and He would guide down this path called life as long as I did not take my eyes off of Him.
As of this writing I have not seen my parents or family for 3 years with the exception of a meeting I had with my sister this past September where she wanted to meet with me and tell me about her upcoming marriage. She wanted to ask me to return home so I could be taken up as a member of the church again and be a part of her wedding. I had to tell her I could not be Amish again. It was not who I was and this was not where Jesus had led me in life. She was very disappointed, but she said she hoped there would be a way I could still be at the wedding. Even though the hurt of total rejection and shunning by my family, friends and the church never really goes away, the Lord Jesus continues to be my strength to continue through life each day.
I would encourage anyone who is struggling to find answers for this life to read the Bible. The Bible is true and the promises of God are forever. The Bible is God's Word, the Truth, and our instruction manual for life. We live in a wicked world that seeks to win our love and affection and take our eyes off of Jesus and the Truth. Everyone who is born is going to spend eternity in one of two places: Heaven or Hell. Most people when asked where they want to spend eternity would say heaven, but most will not accept the only "free" ticket that will give them entrance - Jesus Christ.
John 14:6: Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
Romans 3:23: For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
Romans 5:17: For if by one man's offence death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ.
Romans 10:8-13: But what saith it? The word is nigh thee, even in thy mouth, and in thy heart: that is, the word of faith, which we preach; That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed. For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Romans 10:17: So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
1 John 5:4-13: For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God? This is he that came by water and blood, even Jesus Christ; not by water only, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit that beareth witness, because the Spirit is truth. For there are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost: and these three are one. And there are three that bear witness in earth, the spirit, and the water, and the blood: and these three agree in one. If we receive the witness of men, the witness of God is greater: for this is the witness of God which he hath testified of his Son. He that believeth on the Son of God hath the witness in himself: he that believeth not God hath made him a liar; because he believeth not the record that God gave of his Son. And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life. These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.
Won't you believe God today and accept His free ticket to heaven? It is as simple as taking a moment to talk to God and tell Him:
"Father God, I know I am a sinner. I know I need a Savior. Please forgive me for my sins. I accept the gift you offer. I accept the fact that you allowed your son, Jesus Christ, to be crucified on the cross for my sake so I may come to be with you in Heaven one day. Now Father please send Your Holy Spirit into my heart and help me live each day of the rest of my life for You, Lord. Help me to believe you will guide me. All I have to do is ask. In Jesus Name, Amen."
I would encourage you if you prayed this prayer and meant it with all your heart to please tell someone. Tell your friend, your husband, your wife, or you can contact me at hbkeim03@hot.rr.com, or write to me at Barbara Borkholder, 1903 Liberty Hill, Belton, TX 76513.
I pray the Lord gives you strength and courage as you look to Him for the truth.
God bless each one, Barbara Borkholder
P.S. I think it would be noteworthy to add to this testimony. Since it's writing I have received from my parents a package and in this package was a new Amish outfit for the wedding of my sister made by my mother. They had a note included stating they wanted me to be able to come to the wedding and share in the joy of my only sister's marriage. It is difficult when after all this time you know they still have not accepted who you have become. However, I love my family with all my heart and I did not want to miss this wedding for anything. Can you believe the Lord knows my heart? The Lord made a way for me to go and be a part of the wedding of my sister on June 13, 2002 and not only be able to see my family again, but also be able to see extended family and friends I have not seen since I left in 1995. I believe this may have been a door to be able to go see my family again more frequently. I just praise the Lord I did not have to miss my sister's wedding. The only wedding my parents will ever do.
Thank you, Jesus!
Dear friends,
I am sending this e-mail requesting your prayers this week. My sister is getting married on Thursday and my parents have sent me a brand new Amish outfit that my Mom made for me so I could come to the wedding. They sent a note letting me know they would like for me to be there. I am going to go up tomorrow and see them. I have not seen my parents for over 3 years and I don't intend to show up at the wedding where there are going to be 300+ people without having had the opportunity to see my parents. So I have tomorrow off and I am going to go see them. Molly Smith has graciously offered to go with me tomorrow and I am still praying whether it is a good idea or not. I think tomorrow it may be a good idea, but as far as Thursday for the wedding I think I may need to do that one on my own. Please pray for me and this situation this week. I am a stronger believer in the power of prayer now then I was even 6 months ago and I believe prayer is what is going to give me the strength to get through this emotional time.
I don't have any doubts about my salvation or the fact that I know with all my heart I am right where God would have me to be, but I need God's strength and God's help in knowing how to respond to the many people I am going to have to face this week. People who are absolutely positive that I am completely lost and destined for hell unless I repent and return to the Amish church and usually use every opportunity they have to make sure they do their part in telling you.
So my prayer request would be that God would shut the mouths of the lions and that I would be able to have an enjoyable time there and be able celebrate the marriage of my sister. Also that God would put those people in my path that I could witness to and share the testimony of the Lord in my life. People who have open ears and hearts to receive the truth.
Thank you all for your prayers. God reward you all openly.
Love in Christ's Name,
Barbara Borkholder
2005 Update
I will attempt to give a brief update to my testimony as it is long overdue. Since the last writing things with my family have gradually gotten better since I went to my sister's wedding back in 2002. That was a very stressful day for me to say the least, but I am ever grateful for God's faithfulness and grace He has shown to me.
Since the last update in 2002 I have left Ohio and moved to Kentucky in February of 2003 which is where I still reside today, although this fall after our house is completed we will be moving to Texas.
In June, 2003 I started dating one of the former Amish men from Ohio who I had met 2 years earlier on my first visit to Ohio while I was still living in PA. We were engaged on August 2, 2003 and married October 25, 2003. His name is Harvey Keim and he is a truck driver. He has been an OTR truck driver now for almost 9 years. He is able to be home every weekend currently with the job he has, but we are hoping once we move to Texas that he will be able to find something where he will be home every night, Lord willing.
On January 7, 2005 we had our first child, a little girl whom we named Amy Elizabeth. She will be 5 months old on June 7 and is growing very fast. She is a great baby. I know I will be very spoiled if I have more babies and they are fussy. Amy and I recently flew to Texas and Harvey was able to get a load coming to Texas so that we could sign the contract and pick out the colors, etc. for the house we are building there. We will be living in Belton, TX which is about 1 hour north of Austin just off I-35.
I am halfway through my degree in Accounting. I had to take off to have the baby and now I have not yet been able to go back. We have decided I would be a stay at home Mom which makes for a big change for me. I wanted to try to finish my schooling online, but I have not yet been able to do that. I have been traveling to Ohio every month now since Amy was born to spend time with my Mother who is suffering from breast cancer. It has been wonderful to be able to go stay with them for this time. I can't say that every thing is perfect, because they still practice the shunning, but it is a far cry from where we were several years ago when I was not able to go home at all.
We have even been able to discuss our reasons for not returning to the Amish and although they do not fully agree with us and believe our place is still with the Amish church they have agreed to disagree and still want us to come and be a part of the family. This is coming from my parents and most of my brothers and my sister are always very welcoming and friendly. My oldest brother has not talked to me about anything and I believe is still very bitter, but I believe with time I may be able to talk with him and let him know I understand his bitterness, but I would like to receive his forgiveness and even though we may disagree be able to at least speak to one another and share our families.
Harvey, Amy, and I live at 1903 Liberty Hill, Belton, TX 76513 and our e-mail address is hbkeim03@hot.rr.com
Anyone is welcome to send an e-mail if you would like any more information than what I have provided or would just like to be in touch.
Sincerely, Barbara (Borkholder) Keim
This letter has been published with permission from the owner.
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