Ryan White (Eli Hostettler)

July 2, 2005

My name is Ryan White, (my birth name was Eli Hostettler). I just found your wonderful ministry 2 days ago and I have been reading everything on your website. I couldn't wait any longer so I just had to write.

First let me tell you a little about myself. I was born to a very Old Order Amish family in Ohio with no indoor plumbing, electric or modern conveniences. Our Ordnung was very strict; we were not even allowed to see a doctor or dentist except in cases of extreme emergency. I was born at home by a local lay-midwife, the first born to my parents John and Mary Hostettler.

My mother Mary died the following year giving birth to my sister who also died. This became a constant question I would have in later life, "Would they have lived if we were allowed to have a doctor present?" Three years later when I was almost 5 my father John was killed walking home in the dark. He was hit by a car and the driver never stopped. Since I had no other family, I was sent to live in Pennsylvania with an aunt and uncle, which I later found out that they were not actually relatives. My "uncle" Samuel, was the local bishop for our community, and if I thought it was strict before, this was a whole new kind of community. Everything was done the old way, we did not even use propane as it was "too modern." We were not permitted to use a telephone or ride in an automobile, even if they were English owned. I say "we" meaning myself, Uncle Samuel, and his wife Aunt Sarah.

And we absolutely did not discuss anything with any non-Amish, even to the point of having to treat other Amish from different parishes with suspicion. There was a lot of physical and mental abuse in the household and every Sunday I had to review all of my transgressions AND my uncle's abuse to Samuel and forgive him for it, then, I was never to speak of it again. One question that always brought an argument was about my parents and sister, what had they done wrong that God had allowed them to die and why couldn't we see a doctor? These questions were always met with physical punishment but never any real answers. I was told that these, and all my questions, were the questioning of God's will, and that I must have evil in my heart to even think of asking them.

This went on all through school, (which I loved) and afterwards when I worked in various shops and farms. Many Amish would invite me to their place of work for varying times so that I could help out, my uncle liked it so that I could set an example for them, and they liked it so I would tell my uncle how faithful they were in following the Ordnung. On one of these jobs I saw a young man that I recognized from before but had not seen in many months because he was from a different parish. We started talking and he would only speak in English to me when I asked him why he said that he had accepted Christ into his heart and had left his community. I was shocked and scared to be seen talking to him but I wanted to learn more so that I could tell my uncle. We met several times after this and we always talked about accepting Jesus Christ into my heart.

While I was telling myself that I was talking to him in order to tell my uncle I started to really listen to what he was telling me. It really rang true because it wasn't the same old answer such as, "That's the way it's always been." On our last meeting we were discussing how we felt about the Bible, and the words of our Savior, and I just had this huge burning sensation in my chest. I started crying, and it was then that I knew that what I was being told was true, and I fully accepted the love of Jesus Christ and asked Him to guide the rest of my life. I now knew that this feeling of love and strength would never leave me and I went home to discuss this with my uncle.

My uncle was not pleased with any of my dangerous new thoughts and demanded to know what evil things I had done to allow myself to be corrupted. But no matter how much he yelled, or how much I was beaten, I knew I had Christ inside of me and I would endure. I was locked in the house and forbidden to leave, but I would sneak out to meet my friend. He would have someone drive us to his church (my first ride ever in a van, and I got terribly ill from motion sickness) but we would talk to other people and it was so completely different than anything I had ever known. Everything just felt right. I was baptized that day and have loved my decision and Jesus Christ everyday since then. I returned home to actually try to save my aunt and uncle but they would have none of it. I was thrown out with the clothes I had on and nothing else. I started walking towards my friend's house in another county, even though I had never been there before. In the middle of the night while walking, the police stopped me and asked why I was out so late, I told them everything and they drove me back to my uncle's home. He was awake by then and when he saw me with the police on HIS front porch he was irate and he denied even knowing who I was. It was then that I realized that I had been shunned. Word spread through the community fast I am sure. Not knowing what to do with me, the police took me to juvenile services.

I was put into the state system and put into various foster homes. I suppose it could have been worse, but I never lost my faith and even helped some of the other children to be saved. The most valuable thing I have other than my love of Jesus Christ is the education that I got through the state foster care. I have made it through college and am now attending Graduate School. I work as a computer information and archival assistant, I can store any kind of data into a computer, I scan in texts, ledgers, old documents, etc., lay a computer grid over it so that it can be retrieved, and cross referenced. I hope to actually attend medical school someday and practice in Ohio in areas such as where I was born.

My most rewarding work has been to help other Amish in my area and in Pennsylvania to accept Christ into their lives. I wish I had found your ministry years ago. I have been reading your newsletters and you are so much more advanced than I am. Many of the people I have been helping want to leave their community but are scared to go through what I went through, or they need more guidance than I can provide, so maybe together we can help them find the love I have found. I would be happy to help in anyway I can. As a student, money is always tight, but I would be happy to donate any of my computer or counseling services because I do have a degree in Sociology. I noticed that you asked for help in getting new converts acclimated to society, with the proper habits and not being victimized. This is what I am good at, also I type very fast and I'm good at data entry. Really, anything with computers, so please let me know if there's anything I can do.

I know this letter is long and it kind of jumps around but it is so wonderful to know that I'm not alone out there and that people are getting the guidance that they need. Please contact me as soon as you can and let me know that you have received this letter, I know that you are busy, but I'm here to help.

--Bless you, Ryan

^{This letter has been published with permission from the owner.}