Mario Miller

June 5, 2012

I was born in Holmes County Ohio. I don’t remember much about my time spent there. Soon after I turned three years old my mother died and that’s when everything changed. My Father decided to move to Seymour, Missouri. We had left the Amish but not left the lifestyle completely. I suppose my Father never really knew how to assimilate into society, so that was his way of leaving, but not completely. I grew up in a very violent household, my Father was a very strict man, and very headstrong. He was the type of Father that nothing could be done without his approval; things had to be done his way at all times. Besides the communication that is shared between people who live together we never held a father-son relationship. He never spoke to me about himself, his life, mother, or of any topics that would bring us closer together. He spoke to me of God but he forced religion down my throat from the time I was very young. I remember at times he would drive me away from God because that is all he would talk to me about, and I hated it coming from him.

I realized very early in life that most of his actions were hypocritical and that he wasn’t a man who practiced what he preached. I hated living there so I ran away when I was 16. I went to Columbia, Missouri because I had an ex-Amish friend there who had asked me to come. There were 4 of us there and we lived in a 2 bedroom apartment. We would work and come home, that was what my life was like for a while. I decided to return home as I felt completely uncomfortable in this situation. The three other guys I lived with drank a lot, did drugs, and would always be trying to get me to do the same. I never did. I felt like that was not something God would want me to do and I had too much at stake to lose. Inside of me I had this burning passion to make something out of my life, and I wasn’t going to let anyone or anything get in the way of that. The determination in me was strong, but I felt helpless out there in the world, I hardly knew anyone or anything, so I went back. It was a huge disappointment returning.

I had left with so much hope and happiness thinking I would finally be able to put all my potential to good use. When I left I had gotten into a huge fight with my Father. I told him he would never see me again, and if he did, I would have ‘made it’ out there in the world and that I would do something worthwhile. It was devastating not living up to that promise to myself. Before returning home, I had met another friend while I was in Columbia. He was not Amish but he took an interest in my situation and was very kind. He told me that if I should ever leave again to give him a call, that he would help me out in any way he could. During all that time back at home I thought about that offer, but I was tired and scared. Tired of having to fight for everything I ever wanted, and scared because, what if I left home again and it just became another failure. I could see myself returning back and I just couldn’t face that again. I was terrified of all the obstacles I would have to face in order to just get my head above water, and a big part of me didn’t want to trust or rely on anyone.

It felt strange having the help of a stranger when my own father wasn’t even there for me. Over time the fights and the conflicts with my dad had escalated and it was just torture living there and being around that constantly. It wasn’t good for my sanity and I was so unhappy. There were so many times that I would go to bed in tears thinking that I would never make it out, and that this was the way my life would always be. My faith in God was so strong however, so even though I felt like this, I knew one day God would help me out of this.

Every night I would pray that God would put the right people in my life that could help me out of this. It was time to face the fact I wasn’t going to be able to do this alone. I prayed that he would give me the strength to see things through. Finally one day after a brutal fight with my Dad I took it upon myself to call Stephen, the friend I had made in Columbia, and ask him for the help he had offered me. We had kept in contact somewhat over the years, but now it was time to ask him for the help he had offered me. He was glad when I called him to help me out. He was now living in Maine, so we arranged for me to take a bus out there. It was a process that took a while, and leaving the house was not something that was done on good terms whatsoever.

My Dad and I got into one of the biggest fights the night I left. I can still recall all the violence and the words that were said as if it happened yesterday. There was so much going on inside of me when I got on that bus. There was happiness, sadness, anger, and anxiety of finally knowing within myself that this time I really wasn’t coming back. Living in Maine the first week was great. I went about my days pretending nothing had ever happened in my past. I would occupy my days with anything in order not to think, and to keep my mind off of things. Stephen was a great person to me, he ran his own small business and I worked there as his assistant helping him out with things, so it gave me the opportunity to make a little bit of money.

Two months went by and on Thanksgiving of that year Stephen’s family from Texas came to visit, and spent the Holiday with him., They were such great, friendly people and we took a great liking for each other right away. They returned again for Christmas and it was then that they asked me to come to Texas. They owned their own restaurant; and they said they could give me a job there, and that I would have a chance to make a bit more money. Since their son had gone away to college, I could live with them and have my very own room.

I was so excited for this opportunity. Finally in January, I made the move to Texas and started working at their restaurant. At first, it was one of the most challenging and stressful things I had ever experienced because I was not used to any of this. Thankfully, they were very patient with me and helped me along the way. I was a work in progress and it was a good month before I finally had gotten the hang of things. A lot has happened since I last left home.

It’s been a roller coaster of things I can’t even begin to explain. I’m so excited for my future. There are still a lot of things left to be done before I can fully begin my life, but I finally feel like all the pieces are falling into place. I’ve got so much conviction inside of me that there is no telling where it’ll take me. I would not have made it this far had it not been for that. There are so many things I want to do and see. I thank God every day for this opportunity he has given me and I want so much to redeem it. I want to make an example out of my life that anything is possible.

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