Daniel Beechy

November 3, 2015

I grew up in the Amish and lived with my parents until I was nineteen years old. At the age of seventeen, I was majorly depressed and suicidal. I had a job that involved farrier work, and one of my customers was a drug addict. One day, I told my customer that I wanted to kill myself, and he said, “don’t kill your-self; ask God what you should do.” I just blew it off thinking “Whatever; that’s weird” because my Dad had taught me growing up that reading the Bible could lead to crazy ideas.

About a month later, I told God if it rained for seven days straight, then I would leave the Amish. It was a hard decision because I had been baptized into the church a year before, so to leave meant I would be shunned, but I felt like there had to be something better. It rained for seven days straight.

The Sunday I was going to leave I got all my tools and some clothes into a box and waited for my family to leave for church. My mom knew something was wrong, so she stayed home to find out what was going on. I went in the house anyways, and I got some things, left a note and my phone number on the table, and then ran. She screamed out the window “don’t leave!” but I was so ready for freedom, I just left. It was really hard to leave that way, though, because I had a very good relationship with my mom. At that time, however, I hated my dad fiercely. I ran about a quarter of a mile and then called my friend to pick me up. I had a phone hidden for a month (I wasn’t allowed to have a phone), and I would run to the neighbors to charge it every night. As soon as I had called my friend and asked him to pick me up, my phone died.

I lived in the "English" world for two years. I worked throughout the week and partied hard each weekend. I would drive home at midnight on the weekends drunk, falling asleep at the wheel, and then I would wake up bouncing through the ditch. I wondered why I couldn’t just hit a tree and die, but somehow, I would wake up every time before I hit any trees. I cried and couldn’t sleep some nights. Sometimes, I would go 2-3 nights without any sleep and would just cry; I thought I was worthless.

I went to a few churches during these years, but I never found one that I felt I could fit in, so after trying two different churches I stopped trying. Then, I met another friend that rescued animals and had horses. She had two rescued Haflingers that she obtained after we met. She gave me the Haflingers for helping her out, so I was now in need of hay, which lead me to a couple that farmed with horses. I helped them out with bailing hay that summer and we got to be pretty good friends. That winter, they asked me where I was with Jesus. I shut down and said “I don’t know.” They changed the conversation to something I loved talking about; it really impressed me and touched my heart that they changed the conversation and didn’t force me to talk about Jesus. Later on, they invited me to their church, and I decided to go. The first time I walked in, I saw a real picture of life and freedom in the guy sharing up front. I went three times before I finally got bold enough to go up front and get prayed for. I felt some freedom that time, but I didn’t feel like I was saved. The 6^th time I went, I got radically saved; all of my past was washed away.

I realized about two months later that I had no anger towards my dad, and I could sleep all night long. God taught me a lot through horses. If I didn’t focus on Him, the horses wouldn’t listen to me, but when I started focusing on God, and glorifying Him, the horses behaved perfectly. One day, I was feeling unworthy, so I asked God what to do; He told me to get a horse that didn’t want to be caught. That day, she walked right up to me. I took her into the round pen and worked her. She hadn’t been taught how to lounge, so I got frustrated and decided to quit. I asked God what I should do, and he said “sit on the mounting block.” I was crying and didn’t know what that meant, but I went to the mounting block and sat down. The horse came over to me and put her head flat on my back. God said to me, “this is how close I am to you.” Then, I got up and I thought everything was good, and then the horse put her head in my arms.

Another time I felt like killing myself because I still couldn’t receive love from people. I had it all planned out how I was going to kill myself. I went out to start the truck to go buy alcohol because I didn’t want to feel the pain, but my brand new 2010 Ford Ranger wouldn’t start, so I decided to go back into my house and eat breakfast. Fifteen minutes later, I went back out to go to work and the truck started right up. (John 12:24-25)

I went to work that day and got two big drafts from the pasture. While I was leading them to the barn, they both reared up almost hitting my head with their hooves, then almost landing on me when they came down. I lead them into the barn and tied them. As I was walking away I heard a voice say “what are you going to do about the rearing?” I said “Love them.” I heard the voice say “I love you more.” In that moment, I got a picture of God looking at the whole world loving everybody. His love is as big as the world and it’s way bigger than we can grasp.

This testimony has been published with permission from the owner.

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