Interview of a {former Amish} Woman (Part 2 of 2)

By Deborah Yoder

February 3, 2012

The following article was taken from If Meadows Speak.

Author and interviewer, Tammy, has graciously given us permission to repost her interview with Deborah (not her real name, for the sake of protection), a former Amish woman who shares what it was like when she and her family got excommunicated from the Amish church.

Part 2 of 2

^{To read Part 1 first, click here}

The Outside -- Interview of a {former Amish} Woman

Q: What do those inside the Amish Order think of those who live outside their culture?

Deborah: Many have a façade they wear when they are around the "English".

While most desire to have the respect of the "English", they aren't always sure what is required of them to earn that respect. As an example, "please" and "thank you" are seldom used in their interaction with each other, while American society recognises such things as basic etiquette.

In their interactions with the "English", most will also be very guarded and never completely trust anyone that's not Amish. Because of this, it is almost impossible to actually get to know who they really are as a people, especially on an individual basis.

Within the Amish there are various degrees of admirable traits and dysfunction in family relationships, just as there are in all societies.

Some children are taught more respect for the "outsiders" or "English" than others. Most have a respect for people in general and even an admiration for people in professions such as doctors, nurses and law enforcement etc..

Some do not care how the rest of the world views them and they can be very rude and overbearing to "outsiders". These are the ones who would be obnoxious in any society.

Q: There's a lot of attention on the Amish culture in mainstream media. Are these realistic or misconceptions?

Deborah: Some(Amish) feel they deserve admiration and special treatment just because they are Amish and live the Amish lifestyle. I believe that attitude has been strengthened by the unrealistic romanticising of their way of life in recent years.

For example, most of the books that have been written, especially the Christian romance books, bear no resemblance to reality.

The tour groups that visit Amish communities are presented with an almost idyllic life style, giving no hint to the complexities and hardships of living in a closed society without many modern conveniences.

The TV shows portraying "rumspringa", supposedly time that Amish teens are given to experience the things of the world to make the decision if they want to remain Amish or not, are a farce.

Every Amish teenager knows full well they are expected to stay in the order after they are finished "sowing some wild oats".

Q: What are some things from your upbringing that you've kept a part of your life?

Deborah: The Amish way of life does have some good things that I have hung on to.

Things like learning how to sew, growing and preserving my own food, the ability to survive off the land should I have to do so etc.

All these things with freedom in Christ are a blessing to me but my allegiance is to my Lord Jesus.

Q: Shortly after leaving the Amish, what was your experience like?

Deborah: When I first came out of the Amish order, I was very hurt by things that were said and done to me and wanted nothing to do with anyone in the Order ever again.

I felt anger and anxiety and a range of other ungodly emotions for a long time.

For me, the "coming out" was a relatively slow process and involved trying to find a place to "belong" among other ex-Amish who had formed a church. They were very cruel and still carried a lot of the self righteous baggage they had grown up with. They called me "Jezebel" and kicked me out of their midst for speaking up about things that weren't "my place" to voice.

We moved out of state for five years to escape some of the on-going conflict.

Because of the separation, the Lord ministered healing for some of the pain of rejection and I started to really miss the people I loved. Amish family relationships are very close knit and friendships within the community are usually from school age to death.

Q: Do you have any contact with family members still inside the Order, today?

Deborah: When I began to realise how much I missed the people I loved, I also began to try to re-establish some of the friendships in various ways, but my efforts failed for the most part.

I then needed the Lord to deliver me completely from soul ties to these people, their way of life and their belief system. The power to hurt me with their disapproval and rejection needed to be broken and cut off.

I still feel twinges of pain at times but the ability to cause those debilitating wounds that would incapacitate me for days, has been broken completely.

I no longer have a relationship (or practice) with any other Amish order or belief system. I have been separated from that way of life.

However, my relationships with various family members that are still in the order, cover a broad spectrum.

I have some family members whom I hardly ever see, some by their choice and some because of circumstances, since I am seldom present or invited to community events, etc.

On the other end of this spectrum, I have a sibling within the order who is born again and filled with the Spirit and we are very close, encouraging each other in the Lord continuously. She will most likely never leave the order because of other circumstances in her life.

As for past friendships with non-family members within the order, they are totally gone.

Q: How hard is it for you to have family members still inside the old Order and you living outside of it?

Deborah: The Lord God is so good and His tender mercies endure forever!

Recently while in prayer and waiting before the Lord, I was thinking about how I love these people but I no longer have a desire to be with them. As I was contemplating this fact, the Holy Spirit brought a scripture to my remembrance.

Matt. 23:37 O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the one who kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you are not willing!

As I read this scripture I heard the soft whisper of the Holy Spirit in my heart.

The love I now have for the Amish people comes out of the love and longing of God for all people, including the Amish. My heart rejoiced because I will always love them but I no longer identify with the Amish and I no longer "feel" ex-Amish.

I now identify with Christ. I am in Him and He is in me.

The Harvest -- Interview of a {former Amish} Woman

Deborah: Over the years I've thought a lot about how to minister to the Amish and to help bring a clear understanding of salvation, By grace are you saved through faith... not by works lest any man should boast Eph. 2:8-9

Q: So what exactly is the "rumspringa" and why do the Amish have it?

Deborah: "Rumspringa" is a time in every Amish teenagers life when they are allowed to be unsupervised in their activities and time spent with other Amish teens.

It starts when they are sixteen and continues until they are married. The rules for this period of life vary a little in the different communities but the main purpose is to find a life partner from among the other Amish young people.

Because this time in their life is largely unsupervised there are a lot of things that many of these teens participate in, including drugs, alcohol and sex.

Most parents know their children are participating in these things but it is looked at as "sowing a little wild oats" before you "settle down". These parents would not give their verbal consent to these things, instead it is consent by non-confrontation for the most part.
The parents themselves went through "rumsgringa" and expect their children to do the same.

It is in no way seen or endorsed by the Amish as a time for clear thinking teens to "make a decision" if they want to stay in the order or not.

To portray it as "a time to make a decision" sounds very noble but anyone that leaves the Amish order regardless of their age, will experience rejection.

Some will experience more rejection then others based on their respective community and a number of other variables including how much they speak up and proclaim truth.

If the former Amish joins a congregation that is similar in lifestyle, that can be viewed as much more acceptable then forsaking it all for the sake of Christ.

Q: What happens if someone runs away and needs help?

Deborah: Most in this group are teenagers and eventually do go back to the Amish order.

Many are so hungry to experience some freedom and the braver ones often run away from home. For this group, the motivation may not be hunger for spiritual freedom or truth, instead it is often the same lack of maturity that causes teenagers in general to experiment in the forbidden, regardless of the culture.

These teenagers eventually get lonely and homesick and go back to what is familiar and comfortable, especially when their motivation for leaving was merely to experience things like driving a car, going to the movies, etc..

However, from this group of teenagers, there is a percentage that respond to the gospel when they hear it, most for the first time. These young people hopefully will then go on to experience true freedom, a journey that is often difficult and hard.

There is also the issue of not being able to help those who run away before they are legally adults. The law requires they be returned home to their legal guardians, of course.

Q: So how can an outsider, an "English", reach the Amish?

Deborah: The biggest misconception I think outsiders have would probably be that the Amish are somehow "different" then the rest of humanity. They have the same physical, emotional and spiritual needs that the rest of humanity has.

Their values may be different because of their culture, but those among the Amish that don't know the Lord are just as lost as any other person without Christ.

For those that live near an Amish community and have a desire to minister, pray and ask the Lord for open doors of ministry.

Pray for an opportunity to share the Gospel with those that are hungry and trust Him to send some your way according to His will. If you experience a lack of response please keep in mind you may be planting seed for a future harvest.

The Amish do not have TVs or radios and most of them read a lot to quench their curiosity about things outside their community. Because of this I believe handing out very simple gospel tracts is a good way to present the gospel to them.

Please don't pass out any literature promoting your church doctrine or your denomination, only the simple gospel of "repent and believe on the Lord Jesus Christ." Trust the Lord and allow Him to lead them by His Spirit to the congregation He has for them and the life He has for them.

These are "my people" and I cringe at the thought of them exchanging one set of "rules" or man's expectations, for another set just as damaging.
This happens to many of them and it happened to me.

I had to "come out" out of several congregations that took advantage of my propensity to follow man in my early Christian walk, a propensity that I believe came from immaturity and a childhood that trained me to obey without question.

These subsequent quagmires I walked through after leaving the Order in search of freedom, added to the pain by repeated rejection.

Q: What do you consider the best effective tool for reaching the Amish?

Deborah: My own salvation experience is a good example and proof to me that the Lord will meet a hungry heart where ever He finds one.

I was alone in a room when I found Him as a teenager and my life was forever changed.

There really wasn't any single person or act that spoke to my heart and caused me to reach out.

The Holy Spirit is not at a loss or limited to help those whose hearts cry out to Him even if they don't have access to the things we often assume are necessary to experience salvation.

I have come to the conclusion that prayer is the most necessary and the most effective tool in my pursuit of bringing the glorious Gospel of Jesus Christ to the Amish.

Prayer that the Lord would open the eyes of their understanding and turn their hearts to repentance of sin. Prayer that they would turn from dead works and serve the living God.

Prayer that the fire of God would burn in their midst.

Prayer that they would be filled with the power of the Spirit to live in victory.

Prayer that they would be more than conquerors through the Him who loves them.

The Crux -- Interview of a {former Amish} Woman (final one)

Q: You were in your 30’s when you left the Amish order, so when was it your life changed? How did you find God in a closed society?

Deborah: I was approx. 18 years old when I became born again and this journey really began.

I had a hunger for God and He visited me in response to that hunger.

I was alone that day and found myself weeping for several hours because I felt the drawing of the Spirit of God. This had never happened to me before and I did not know I was actually experiencing Him.

I felt an urgency and a tremendous yearning in my heart that caused me to weep almost uncontrollably. I remember crying out, "I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do!"

I had gone to see a gospel sing at a nearby non-Amish church the day before and as I watched the people on the stage I could see they had "something" I wanted.

It was against the rules, of course, to go to a gospel sing but teenagers are braver then other age groups and the Amish expect and tolerate a certain amount of youthful experimenting.

As I wept before the Lord that day I started to hear His voice.

My heart could hear Him saying He wanted me to stand and be a witness for Him just like the singers the day before had been doing. I kept trying to explain to Him that was not possible. I was a young Amish girl and Amish girls just can't do those things. The battle went on for hours, just Him and I in the room.

I had a choice to make, would it be His will or mine?

The Lord was unyielding in His conviction and I wanted so much to say "Yes" but I instinctively knew if I said "Yes" from my heart, my life would change.

When I finally yielded my will to His and said, "Yes Lord, I'll do what you want me to do" the peace of God rolled over my soul.

The weeping stopped and I experienced something like warm honey being poured over me and through me, starting at the top of my head all the way to the bottom of feet.

I was cleansed by the blood of Jesus and the love of God enveloped me. I felt a great weight lift off of me and I was forever changed.

I joyfully basked in the glow for days. I knew I had been "saved", saved from an eternity without God by a God who loved me.

Q: What did you do right after your newly discovered faith?

Deborah: After some time I secretly contacted a full gospel church from a nearby town.

I was hungry for fellowship and I began to share my experience with them from the security of a neighbours phone.

I also sneaked off to their church service a few times on Wednesday evenings. They encouraged me to say the "sinners prayer" at their altar and I complied.

They were so excited but I knew nothing actually happened at their altar, it had happened weeks before when I was alone, weeping before the Lord and all I had said was "Yes Lord, I'll do what you want me to do". My surrender was not in my words, it was in my heart.

They then encouraged me to go home and tell my parents and family I had found the salvation of the Lord.

Q:What happened when you told your parents?

Deborah: I was hesitant because I knew what the consequences would be if I did that.

However, I had been trained my whole life to be compliant and obey those over me, so I did as they suggested.

Everything I anticipated that would happen, did happen

The stand off lasted for a few months until I felt I couldn't take it any more.

I broke.

Or maybe I bent so I wouldn't break.

I compromised and moved my line in the sand.

I moved it back, a safe distance away from the onslaught of anger and gnashing of teeth, away from the tears and pleading to a more manageable position of personal guilt for being so weak.

I had no money and knew no one I could turn to for help but I retained my secret hope for freedom some day.

I gave up on the idea of explaining to the Amish what I had experienced and went underground with my faith. I settled in to stay until I was older and could better make my own way. I prayed for a "knight in shining armour".

Q: How long after this happened did you meet your husband who also was part of the Old Order Amish? And how did that affect your faith?

Deborah: Two years later a "knight in shining armour" did come into my life but he didn't look anything like what I wanted or expected. I heard the voice of God clearly say to me, "This will be your husband."

I resisted adamantly.

He was a young Amish man, quiet, soft spoken and not interested in me either. We were only acquaintances and I was happy to remain that way. To marry a young Amish man would seal my fate as a member of the Amish order for life and that possibility was what I resisted.

I was sure I had heard wrong.

Several months later I found myself thinking about this young man a lot even though we were still only acquaintances and not dating. I realised my heart had become engaged and I couldn't make any sense of any of it.

Our acquaintance changed to a relationship and I was very happy but I was confused about the direction my life was taking. I loved him and decided it must have not been the will of God for me to leave the Amish order after all.

We were married and I settled into a happy life with a young Amish man. I was a secret disciple, a Nicodemus who would come to Jesus under the cover of darkness with my questions and my faith.

Q: After “sealing” your fate with the Amish way of life, how did it conflict with your new faith?

Deborah: God has a way of working in our lives even when we aren't aware of it.

I was happy in my marriage but three years into it my heart was again crying out for freedom.

Freedom to worship the Lord in Spirit and in Truth.

As I stood by my kitchen sink weeping into the dirty water and piles of dishes, once more I was crying out, "I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do!"

Again I heard the Lord speak so clearly. "I will lead you out. I will take your hand and lead you out."

Faith exploded in my heart.

I didn't share what I had heard with anyone, not even my husband. It was like a life line and so precious to me.

I lived in expectation of that promise for a very long time.

It did not come to pass immediately, but I had a hope that kept me from despair during those years. I waited on the Lord and on my husband.

The time finally came and God supernaturally lead us out as a family.

Looking back I still don't understand some of the leadings of God in my life.

I'm amazed that I have my husband and children with me and we are happy serving the Lord together. I marvel at my journey with the Lord because it doesn't look like I thought it would at all but I have learned I can trust my Father who loves me.

His work is redemptive and restorative.

Romans 8:28 and we know that all things work together for good to those that love the Lord, to those who are called according to His purpose.

To see more of Tammy's writings, please go to If Meadows Speak

Keywords: amish, amish interview, deborah, ex-amish, excommunicated, former amish, shunned

Comments (1) - Post a Comment

Just a thought, I/we came out of a small community (Old Order) and rum springa was not permitted - period. Only one of the ministers didn't do the rum springa stuff - driving cars, chasing girls, smoking etc.. I think in some communities this is sorta tolerated with the hope that when the youth have had a time of this and God is working on heir hearts about the sinful life style they are living, they will come back and be content with being Amish. That is what I saw in the preachers in our area. In their mind, being Amish was a more Biblical way of living so it must be right and any one that leaves is living in sin and going to hell. (Not all leave to sew wild oats then go back and pray for crop failure.) Being and live the Amish lifestyle is not wrong (unless God asks you to leave and do something else for Him), but being and living Amish has NOTHING to do with salvation. The Amish have a lot of "good" ways and lots of not so good ways. Go with God and let Him direct your paths!

Daniel Yoder at 10:59pm EDT - June 19, 2012